YOU’RE an asshole if you can’t properly use YOUR Apostrophes.

I hate third grade grammar mistakes. I can’t take you seriously if you can’t write your opinion in proper English. I’m willing to overlook dumb ones like using “I” before the verb and “me” after, and always putting your own personal pronoun at the end (ex: “Bill and I went to the store.” No one’s here but Josie and me”), because the vernacular changes over time, and honestly, who cares whether you think you deserve top billing in your own sentence?

Where I really get angry is the abuse the poor apostrophe () gets. That’s the first thing that irritates me. I mean, did you people not attend thrid grade? How hard is this:

It’s: A contraction of IT IS
Its: belonging to IT

Your: belonging to you
You’re: A contraction of YOU ARE

See how the simple rule there is that the apostrophe denotes a contraction? I can understand the confusion, I mean, after all when talking about a specific person the apostrophe denotes ownership: Bill’s truck. But then when using a pronoun, the apostrophe means a contraction again: He’s going = HE IS going. However, just because I understand where confusion can arise, doesn’t mean I will forgive it, since this is stuff covered in elementary school.

A real big one that burns my balls is when a company fucks it up in advertising. I have a subscription to a computer magazine that had an ad in it for Custom Built PC’s for about 5 months. After the 5th month I guess someone in their ad department realized that an apostrophe is unneccessary when describing multiples of an item that is abbreviated, in this case the proper use is PCs. You see there? the lowercase “s” denoted that it is not part of the abbreviation PC. I vowed I will never buy anything from a company that abuses so thoroughly the English language on an advertisement. It seems if they can’t follow that simply elementary grammar rule, what others will they forget about?

Another thing, THERE are too many people idiots out THERE misusing the word I’ve capitalized in THEIR writing. Now I can understand again the whole I before E rule, because this is one of those fucked up exceptions, but THERE is no reason THEY’RE using it wrong in every one of THEIR sentences. Have I been clear enough?

They’re: Contraction; THEY ARE
Their: ownership; belonging to them
There: a place; over THERE

In conclusion, I have to say it truly makes me so angry I want to kick a baby into a brick wall when I have to decipher your rant on the evils of Capitalism like I’m Indiana Jones trying to figure out from hieroglyphs where the lost fucking ark is because you can’t remember these simple rules. The thing that makes me even madder is that to point out you write like an inbred 4-year-old Mongoloid somehow makes ME the one losing the argument, as if because I insist on legible coherent counterpoints, I am now grasping at straws to defend my position. All in all, I hope that if you write like this you get run over by a bookmobile.


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