Sorry, not a sport

So I’ve been thinking about sports. Now I’m not a big sports guy, I like to watch football every now and then, and if something’s on, I’ll try to feign interest, but overall, I’d rather not watch someone more attractive and in better shape than me perform better than I ever could at something physical. I do have some criteria for what is a sport though. Here’s my rules:

1. It must have a quantifiable score. If you’re going for “style points” or “trying to impress the judges” it’s an exhibition.
2. Teams are optional, but there must be 2 sides. If you’re not trying to best another person who is actively working to thwart you, it’s a game. This goes for golf, bowling, billiards, etc.
3. It must involve physical activity. Sorry rednecks, driving for 500 miles in a circle is not sport, it’s mind numbing tedium.
4. It is NOT Texas Hold ’em.

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